Where's the library?

While chatting with a resident of the county about the new computerized GED, adult literacy programs, and computer literacy programs, it occurred to me that the library would be an awesome location for adult education programs. In many places the public library offers such programs for little to no charge for county residents. It then occurred to me that I had never set foot in the public library here in the county, so I asked where it's located.

Where indeed. It turns out that this county institution is closely tied to another upstanding county institution. The library is none other than the the former jailhouse. To sweeten the deal, it still has a hangman's noose and prison cells to boot.

Moderation and economy. Thrift and innovation.

Maybe the library/jailhouse combo is a thing like KFC/Taco Bell or Dunkin' Donuts/Baskin-Robbins.

The struggle is real.

Kool-aid pickles?

Kool-Aid pickles (kool-aid +sugar + pickles) are quite the thing in the county as well as in many other places.

Kool-Aid pickle

During break time (snack time) the school sells things like sports drinks, chips, nachos, fruit snacks, and of course Kool-aid pickles. 

On one fine afternoon several young female scholars proceeded to do "unspeakable things" with said Kool-aid pickles in the bathroom, so the school no longer sells this southern delicacy during break time.

Our fearless leader was deeply moved by these events, so she decided to make a public service announcement at the start of classes the following day. She kindly informed the student body that "we are aspiring to acquire greatness, not sucking to acquire greatness." 

The struggle is real.

 

Layaway...at a pharmacy

I went to the local pharmacy to pick up some candy and some personal hygiene items the other day. As I stood in line waiting to check out, I noticed that the lady in front of me was filling out a lengthy form.  I was thinking, "maybe she's old school and wants a rain check for an item that's out of stock." Upon closer inspection, I saw that the paper was titled "Layaway Request Form".

Maybe it's just me, but I don't walk into the pharmacy looking to buy something that I can't afford.

Maybe I need to get with the program and put my toothpaste and gummy bears on layaway the next time I go to CVS or Walgreen's.

The struggle is real.

No sub, no problem

Here in the county many certified staff use all of their sick time and then some. The problem is that nobody likes calling out sick ahead of time, so the school is always scrambling to find a substitute at the last minute.

If we are especially fortunate, one of the bus drivers will stay on as a sub, but when lady luck is not on our side we push for more innovative methods.

Option 1: send the students to the gym so that 20+ kids can disrupt the gym class that already has 40ish students.

Option 2: send the students to the library so that the librarian can babysit 20+ kids with nothing to do.

On one such occasion when we resorted to option 1 (sending the kids to the gym), students used this opportunity to engage in "inappropriate activities" in the bathroom.

Such innovation, such preparation, such flexibility.

The struggle is real.

A typical day in the lunch line

Student: Ms. Smith, you take food stamps in between paychecks?
Teacher: No.
Student: How you survive without food stamps?
Teacher: I use my money.
Student: So you don't get food stamps?
Teacher: No, I don't get food stamps.
Student: Ms. Smith, I never knew no black folk that don't get food stamps.

Here in the county 100% of our students receive free lunch and most if not all of them receive food stamps.

The struggle is real.

Enrichment?

The department chair decided that enrichment would be more effective if we allowed a few select students to run each classroom. These chosen elite would be the teachers delivering instruction and clearing up confusion in each classroom. Sounds awesome, but that's not how it worked out.

The students didn't respect their "peer teachers", so no "enrichment" took place. But no worries, we have a flawless plan in place. We will continue to run enrichment the same way for the rest of the year.

Here in the county we believe in continuing to beat the dead horse even when there are several signs telling us that there is no life remaining in the poor beast.

Well, I guess its easier to leave something broken instead of using precious resources to fix it.

The struggle is real.

Did someone say gas leak?

Yes and no. Yes there was gas, but it wasn't due to a "leak." A brilliant young scientist in the chemistry lab thought it would be hilarious to turn on the gas at his lab station while the chemistry teacher was otherwise engaged. This awesome joke went unnoticed from first period into second period until several people noticed the smell of gas.

Our emergency preparedness plan sprang into action as the principal announced over the intercom, "Fire! Evacuate the building! Fire!" Simple fire drill evacuation, right? Not quite. In this class period I happen to have a young lady, Suzie, who is nearly six feet tall and relies on a heavy duty power wheelchair to get around. I'm thinking, "no problem the emergency exit will have a safety ramp." Wrong.

As my class files out of the emergency exit I'm left with Suzie and a few stragglers. The exit has a ledge with a seven inch drop between the ledge and the sidewalk. Suzie takes one look at the edge and says, "I ain't goin down there" and I'm thinking "I know you smell the gas. You can either come out this way, or you can stay in the building and die." Of course I didn't actually say this to her, but at the same time I knew there was no easy was to get her out of the building.

First, Suzie tried to drive off the ledge, but that didn't work out. Then, another brilliant teacher suggested that we carry the power chair + Suzie from the ledge onto the sidewalk. So the wheelchair rescue mission team (3 teachers + 2 students) lifted the power chair and inched it over to the sidewalk. Rescue mission success? Not quite. The base of the wheelchair pulled away from the seat and slid into the grass. The wheelchair rescue mission team then lifted Suzie out of her seat and sat her in the grass.

The wheelchair rescue mission team then reassembled the wheelchair, lifted six foot Suzie back into her chair, and continued on with the fire drill evacuation. All of that only took about seven minutes. Thankfully no brilliant young scientists wondered what would happen if they lit a match in a hallway filled with noxious gas.

Well, in the case of an emergency, don't be handicapped.

The struggle is real.

CPR training...can someone help the nurse?

Sounds crazy, but this really happened. Our wonderful principal thought it would be in everyone's best interest to learn CPR and get certified. I also agree that learning CPR is pretty important especially when you work with children. So, we plunged into fall break with professional development ie. CPR training.

To speed up the process we broke off into groups of 4-5 people. My group finished demonstrating our mastery of CPR pretty early, so we sat back and watched the other groups in action. I noticed a middle aged woman seriously struggling to deliver the chest compressions and rescue breaths. I'm not the only one who noticed this because I saw other heads turn in see what was going on. Naturally, I was curious to find out who the poor woman was, so I asked my colleague sitting next to me. She leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "that's the nurse!"

I stared back at her with wide eyes. I couldn't believe it. My colleague noted my surprise and said, "girl, I'm dead serious, that's the nurse."I proceeded to shake my head in disbelief as my colleague then whispered, "if somebody passes out, you better say a prayer because the nurse can't help."

Apparently the CPR instructor noticed the struggle taking place, so she said, "can someone give this woman some assistance?" The look on her face was priceless when someone informed her that "this woman" was the school nurse for the school district.

Here in "the county" we have a long standing practice of hiring people who are under qualified and holding on to them even when there is evidence that the person is incapable of doing what the position requires.

The struggle is real.

seizures, strokes, what's the difference?

Say it ain't so. I wish it was a joke, but here in "the county" our esteemed psychologist, Dr. Z, just got through explaining that recurring absence seizures, which have gone undiagnosed, are akin to having mini strokes. Dr. Z, with his boundless beneficence, kindly explained to Billy's mother and grandmother that Billy is incapable of learning at the same level as his peers because of his recurring seizures. Let's clear up a few things first. 1. Billy has never seen a specialist ie. no neurologist 2. Billy has never had any neuroimaging studies 3. Billy suffers from absence seizures (drifting off/losing focus for a few seconds) not the dramatic tonic-clonic seizures which cause full body seizing 4. Billy has received seizure medication from the village general physician.

According to Dr. Z, since Billy "can't learn" he needs to be on the SpEd (Special Education) track (check out the post "SpEd is the new black"). True to form, Billy is now in SpEd and he now has an IEP (individualized education plan). Seizure problem solved...

Where do I come into this picture? I was on my planning period planning lessons and grading assignments when I got called to go to the "parent coordinator's" conference room. I'm thinking, "okay I must have a parent conference". Nope, the secretary tells me that my presence is required in an IEP meeting. At this point i'm extremely confused, so I ask what student this is for, and she tells me its for Billy. I'm thinking i'm in deep trouble for not following Billy's IEP even though I was never given an IEP for this boy, so I take his file and head down to the conference room. Dr. Z greets me warmly, as only Dr. Z can, and he tells me that my job is to sit there and listen. 

But I digress. So we arrive back at Dr. Z's analogy. If seizures are the same thing as strokes, then hunger pangs are the same thing as ulcers. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he tells a student that migraines are a symptom of permanent memory loss, or better yet, a fever means certain death.

                                                              seizures <-----> strokes 

                       (over excitability of our circuitry) <-----> (embolic or hemorrhagic)

I'm no neurologist nor am i a synaptic physiologist, but I happen to know a bit more than a thing or two about physiology and neurobiology. 

Well, when it comes to school psychologists I suppose the worst is better than none. 

The struggle is real

SpEd is the new black...

Say what? Not really, but SpEd (special education) is definitely in vogue in "The County". From developmentally delayed students to students who never learned to read, the school psychologist and his minions brand these students with an IEP (individualized education plan) and group them all into SpEd.

Who gets put in SpEd? The girl with orthopedic problems, the developmentally delayed girl, the epileptic boy who suffers from absence seizures, kids with anger/behavior issues, and hundreds of kids who are in high school but cant read or read at a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th grade reading level.

To make the task of educating "diverse learners" even more interesting, this God fearing state took hold of the gospel of "no child left behind" and went forth to make disciples with the doctrine of "inclusion". What is inclusion? It means that all of the gifted SpEd students, yes even the ones who cant read, take all of their classes with the "regular" students. Since the diversity of my classroom contains so much variety, I had to alter the complexion of my interventions. For example, with collaborative learning groups I make sure that a student who can actually read is the group reader, and a student who can listen, understand, and communicate effectively is the group presenter. Let's not forget about Billy or Suzie, that guy or gal who "struggles" with reading. His or her job is the group questioner. When Group A is stumped Billy can raise his hand for assistance from the teacher, and nobody needs to find out that Billy is in the 9th grade and reads at a 3rd grade level. Inclusion success? The jury is still out on this one.

To include or not to include, that is the question. If inclusion does not help SpEd students improve both socially and academically, then the doctrine of inclusion should be revisited. As it is, inclusion means more planning on the front end for teachers and ultimately more paperwork. This takes time, a precious commodity that teachers lack.

The struggle is real.

....and I'm my own grandpa

Not really, but I am my own TST (teacher support team). Awesome students, not so awesome students, average students, failing students, students who have failed this class one or two times before, and students who just don't care; I deal with them all, I plan lessons to accommodate all of them, and I plan interventions to reach all of  my "diverse learners".

In the great state of <insert name here>, much like other states, we classify students based on tiers.

Tier 1 = typical students
Tier 2 = students at risk of failing
Tier 3 = students who have failed 2 or more classes in the past

Once a student gets to Tier 3, the TST, comprised of much smarter people than myself, is supposed to step in and plan awesome interventions that the teachers can implement in the classroom. In "The County" I am officially my own TST. Even though I document interventions and students' responses to intervention, nothing ever comes of it. It is amazing how progressive the education system is in the nether regions of our beloved country.

At the end of the day, If you are failing a class where there are 3 tests, 5 in class art projects, and 20 daily grades/classwork assignments, then you deserve to fail. Aside from the sheer quantity of assignments given in the first 9 weeks, I have used collaborative learning groups, learning through song, educational videos, and tons of graphics.

There comes a time when the blame slides off the teachers back and creeps up on the student. The blame then leaps onto the student and grabs him or her around the neck and clings tightly. That time is now. If Billy and Suzie choose not to complete assignments, it is not Ms. Smith's job to convince them that it would be in their best interest to make an effort to complete their work. If Billy and Suzie are absent more times than they are present, it is not Ms. Smith's job to hunt them down to give them 3-4 weeks worth of make-up work. Even when Ms. Smith goes above and beyond the call of duty to put together missing work for Billy and Suzie and she then tells them that they need to complete this extra work by <insert date here> to pass the class, it is not Ms. Smith's job to force Billy and Suzie to complete said make-up work and turn it in before grades are due.

The struggle is real